u wanted to know the worst about me, the things I told no one and hid 4m every1. How do I explain who I am when I am not even sure of it myself? hmmm.. How do I put into words the worst parts of me that I have run 4m for so long? I will tell u my secrets, I will tell u everythin'. Maybe it will help me. Maybe u will hate me for it or maybe u will understand. I don't know, but I am sick of running. So here it is, I will give u what u want.

I hate u. That is not true, but sometimes I think it is. I will not answer the phone when u call, even though I want to talk to u so bad. I will not call u, even though it is all I want to do. I will not reach out to u, even though every part of me wants to. I will be mad at u, I will want to hurt u, I will always try to ignore you because I am afraid to let you closer. I need ur attention, u know i want it, but I will greet them with cold indifference. I will be jealous of the attention u give others, and I will get mad at you for ignoring me. I will feel close to u and care for u one day, only to be mad and want u out of my life the next.

This is for u, but u r far 4m me. u are the people close to me now. u are the people I want to be close to even though I have kept you away. u are the friends I have pushed away in the past, the friends I never forgave and never let back in my life, the friends I never had the chance to tell this to.u are the people I will meet in the future, the people I will care about until once again I push them out of my life.u are the part of me that is still trying to understand who I am.huh! sad.